Melon Collie

Last night I was transported back in time to my teenage-self. No, not literally, but in spirit. The Man of the House and I, along with a good friend, took ourselves off to the sold out Smashing Pumpkins concert in Brixton. 


Of course, the band looks little like its former self, which I fell deeply in love with during my angst-ridden teenage years. You know, a time when every song seems to be speaking to you directly, and you feel like the brains behind such important lyrics are somehow walking in your shoes? Along with Nirvana, I devoted a lot of my evening and weekend time to listening to the Smashing Pumpkins. I owned both Siamese Dream and Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness, and drove my mother insane by playing them over and over. 


I was surprised to find that little has changed in the 15 years since I belted out the lyrics to Tonight Tonight. The music is similar. Billy Corgan remains an amazing musician who shows little sign of slowing down. And there is a real sense of the songs speaking to you and having a deep meaning. Admittedly, apart from a well-selected few from the early stuff, I didn't know the majority of the songs that were played last night. But I still loved it.... 


While the band is completely different - only Billy Corgan remains from the original line-up -  the feelings that were evoked were similar to those I felt in the mid 1990s. Which brings me to wonder whether I have remained the same? While I thought that my love of "grunge rock" was somehow tied up with a certain time in my life, I discovered last night that it most certainly is not. New music, new(ish) band but the same emotions and sense of being understood. Am I emotionally stunted? Have I carried with me my whole life a sense of being fundamentally mis-understood and different? Or do I just have a fantastic taste in music (and here thanks is due to my father, who even at age 45 fully appreciated the vocal stylings of Kurt Cobain)? 


I like to think its the latter. I hope I have come some way from that 15 year old who railed against authority and school and being told what to do. Perhaps I haven't, deep down. I suppose I will never really know what it is that makes me (or anyone) love what I do love....nature or nurture I ask??


Adios....